Being Present

Often, people come to sessions burdened by stress tied to the past or the future. Honestly, these imaginary spaces are where many of us get stuck—and they’re also what keep me busy and thriving in this work! But why do we stay so focused on the past? What benefits does it serve us? And, most importantly, how can we begin to shift this way of thinking?

When we focus on the past, it’s often because we believe—on some level—that we can rewrite a painful interaction or situation. Our brains are hardwired for safety, and when something traumatic or deeply unpleasant happens, they go into overdrive, saying, “That was awful! Let’s make sure that never happens again. I’ll protect you!”

From that moment on, the brain becomes hypervigilant, spinning narratives and revisiting the past as if there’s a solution waiting to be uncovered. This overthinking makes us feel like we’re problem-solving when, in reality, we’re just stuck. This isn’t to dismiss anyone’s pain or trauma. Processing those experiences is vital. But it’s equally important to recognize that thoughts rooted in the past are just that—thoughts. You can’t physically go back there.

The past is simply a thought you create.

Now let’s talk about the future. Our brains approach it in much the same way, driven by the instinct to keep us safe. When we imagine what might happen, especially in scenarios we can’t control, our brains can spiral into hypervigilance, trying to preemptively prepare for trauma. This is anxiety: fear of the unknown.

We create elaborate scenarios of what will happen—often dark, catastrophic, and completely made up. Unless you’ve invented a time machine, you have no way of knowing the future. Those fears and worries? They’re just thoughts.

The future is also a thought you create.

So, how do we change this way of thinking that keeps either stuck in the past or present?